The Ugly Duckling.... What Really Happened

Everyone survives differently. The wound

Everyone survives differently. The wound

closes over and leaves smooth skin. And

closes over and leaves smooth skin. And

sometimes you can't even find the place

sometimes you can't even find the place

where it was. Some people survive by

where it was. Some people survive by

transforming. And they tell that story

transforming. And they tell that story

with gratitude. And sometimes the

with gratitude. And sometimes the

gratitude is even real. And some people

gratitude is even real. And some people

survive by becoming becoming what they

survive by becoming becoming what they

became after. That is the story no one

became after. That is the story no one

tells. The ugly duckling was ugly from

tells. The ugly duckling was ugly from

the start to big dot. Wrong color. Wrong

the start to big dot. Wrong color. Wrong

sound. When he opened his mouth, his

sound. When he opened his mouth, his

mother tried. She counted him and kept

mother tried. She counted him and kept

him and walked with him to the pond and

him and walked with him to the pond and

said, "Look how well he swims." Which

said, "Look how well he swims." Which

was true, which did not help. He swam

was true, which did not help. He swam

beautifully. The other ducks bid him

beautifully. The other ducks bid him

anyway. He is too large. They said, "He

anyway. He is too large. They said, "He

does not belong here. These were not

does not belong here. These were not

wrong observations, which is a thing

wrong observations, which is a thing

creatures do when they feel threatened

creatures do when they feel threatened

by something they cannot name." "He

by something they cannot name." "He

didn't know what he was. He didn't know.

didn't know what he was. He didn't know.

He only knew what he was not. He was not

He only knew what he was not. He was not

staying. The winter was long in a way

staying. The winter was long in a way

that only a first winter alone can be

that only a first winter alone can be

long. He nearly died three times. The

long. He nearly died three times. The

pond froze and he was trapped and a

pond froze and he was trapped and a

farmer broke the ice and he panicked and

farmer broke the ice and he panicked and

knocked over the butter churn and the

knocked over the butter churn and the

milk bucket and he escaped into the cold

milk bucket and he escaped into the cold

again. The woman and the cat and the

again. The woman and the cat and the

chicken looked after him in their way.

chicken looked after him in their way.

He was also not an egg layer, not a

He was also not an egg layer, not a

purring thing, not a scratching thing.

purring thing, not a scratching thing.

Can you lay eggs? said the hen dot. No.

Can you lay eggs? said the hen dot. No.

Then you have no opinions worth having.

Then you have no opinions worth having.

He survived the woman's house by

He survived the woman's house by

leaving. He survived the winter by

leaving. He survived the winter by

surviving the winter. This is the least

surviving the winter. This is the least

poetic truth in the story. Sometimes you

poetic truth in the story. Sometimes you

survive not because of wisdom or courage

survive not because of wisdom or courage

or destiny and you don't know why you

or destiny and you don't know why you

are still there. And the not knowing is

are still there. And the not knowing is

a thing you carry. Spring dot. He sees

a thing you carry. Spring dot. He sees

the birds on the lake. Three swans white

the birds on the lake. Three swans white

the way he had always moved through the

the way he had always moved through the

water like the water was made for them.

water like the water was made for them.

[clears throat] Like resistance was a

[clears throat] Like resistance was a

choice they had opted out of. He knows

choice they had opted out of. He knows

what he is in that moment. Not because

what he is in that moment. Not because

of revelation, but because of

of revelation, but because of

recognition. He had never seen himself,

recognition. He had never seen himself,

and others had seen wrong, too big,

and others had seen wrong, too big,

strange. The swans saw him coming across

strange. The swans saw him coming across

the water, and they came toward him, and

the water, and they came toward him, and

he looked down as he always did when

he looked down as he always did when

something was approaching. The posture

something was approaching. The posture

of the thing that knows it is about to

of the thing that knows it is about to

be told what it is. And he saw himself

be told what it is. And he saw himself

in the water. White dot long dash neck

in the water. White dot long dash neck

dot a swan. He had always been a swan.

dot a swan. He had always been a swan.

Here is the version of the story. You

Here is the version of the story. You

know the swans receive him. The old

know the swans receive him. The old

[clears throat] swans bow their heads.

[clears throat] swans bow their heads.

He is beautiful now and beauty is

He is beautiful now and beauty is

received. And now I know it was my own

received. And now I know it was my own

fault for being born wrong in the wrong

fault for being born wrong in the wrong

place. Which dot? Yes, here is the

place. Which dot? Yes, here is the

version I think about. He is a swan now.

version I think about. He is a swan now.

He goes back just the pond is where he

He goes back just the pond is where he

learned to swim. The yard where he was

learned to swim. The yard where he was

born. The duck family smaller now. Most

born. The duck family smaller now. Most

of them scattered. The chickens who

of them scattered. The chickens who

pecked him on his first day. He stands

pecked him on his first day. He stands

in the water. They see him. He is not

in the water. They see him. He is not

there for revenge. He does not want

there for revenge. He does not want

anything from them. He feels

anything from them. He feels

[clears throat] nothing that could be

[clears throat] nothing that could be

called anger. Exactly. He had stopped

called anger. Exactly. He had stopped

believing that during the second month

believing that during the second month

of that winter, the one where the pond

of that winter, the one where the pond

froze and he was trapped and something

froze and he was trapped and something

in him went very quiet and stayed quiet.

in him went very quiet and stayed quiet.

He stands in the water and he is

He stands in the water and he is

beautiful and he is enormous and he is

beautiful and he is enormous and he is

silent. And the ducks move to the far

silent. And the ducks move to the far

bank and the old hen looks at him for a

bank and the old hen looks at him for a

long time with her little intelligent

long time with her little intelligent

eye. He is not the ugly duckling

eye. He is not the ugly duckling

anymore. He is a swan who remembers. The

anymore. He is a swan who remembers. The

children come to the pond. Look, they

children come to the pond. Look, they

say, a swan, how beautiful. Look how it

say, a swan, how beautiful. Look how it

swims. They bring bread. He is well

swims. They bring bread. He is well

behaved. But if you watch his eyes when

behaved. But if you watch his eyes when

the children run toward him, arms

the children run toward him, arms

[clears throat] out. The way children

[clears throat] out. The way children

run toward beautiful things they want to

run toward beautiful things they want to

touch and hold and own. There is

touch and hold and own. There is

something in his eyes. Something older.

something in his eyes. Something older.

The look of a thing that survived a

The look of a thing that survived a

winter it wasn't supposed to survive.

winter it wasn't supposed to survive.

and has learned that both sets of people

and has learned that both sets of people

were doing the same thing.

were doing the same thing.

[clears throat] Describing him to manage

[clears throat] Describing him to manage

him first they said ugly. He is neither.

him first they said ugly. He is neither.

He is the thing that made it through the

He is the thing that made it through the

ice. The children named him. He is

ice. The children named him. He is

domesticated mostly. But every year when

domesticated mostly. But every year when

the weather changes when the first cold

the weather changes when the first cold

comes something in him orients. Not

comes something in him orients. Not

north exactly. He doesn't go. He stands

north exactly. He doesn't go. He stands

at the edge of the pond with the bread

at the edge of the pond with the bread

in his beak and his wings half raised

in his beak and his wings half raised

and the old quiet in him like a held

and the old quiet in him like a held

breath. Then the children call his name

breath. Then the children call his name

and turns back to the water and the

and turns back to the water and the

autumn light falls across him like an

autumn light falls across him like an

approval he has stopped needing. The

approval he has stopped needing. The

ugly duckling became a swan. What no one

ugly duckling became a swan. What no one

tells you is what the swan carries.

tells you is what the swan carries.

Every creature that survives a long

Every creature that survives a long

winter carries the winter inside it. You

winter carries the winter inside it. You

can see it in still water. If you look,

can see it in still water. If you look,

the reflection is beautiful, but the

the reflection is beautiful, but the

reflection is looking back. Submitted

reflection is looking back. Submitted

for your consideration.

for your consideration.