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Psyche hosts a casual open panel tarot reading and conversation on a rainy Wednesday, discussing his personal life and a recent interaction with someone that left him feeling disrespected.
Weekday Streams/// initiate_layer
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Browse era →Summary
The episode starts with Psyche greeting his audience and introducing his cats, Lenor and Freya ▶ 0:52. He mentions having a good night's sleep and being in a better mood than the previous night ▶ 1:07. Psyche talks about trying to get his streaming schedule working and having a good support system in his Discord and chat ▶ 2:10. He also mentions having a rough couple of weeks, including the loss of a few people close to him ▶ 11:51. At ▶ 6:17, Psyche discusses an interaction with someone named Emma, who publicly called out his behavior in her Discord, saying he has a toxic panel, gets drunk, and was scammed by someone. Psyche felt this was not the right way to address the issue and decided to leave her Discord ▶ 8:32.
The conversation appears to revolve around themes of personal growth, relationships, and the importance of kindness and respect in online interactions. Psyche's discussion of his personal struggles and interactions with others suggests that he values honesty and authenticity in his relationships. The episode also touches on the idea that people's true feelings and intentions will eventually be revealed, and that it's essential to treat others with kindness and respect, even in difficult situations.
◈●●●HIGH AI-generated · summarizes on-stream discussion, not verified claims · methodology
Episode 558 of the Cult of Psyche podcast features a lighthearted open panel discussion with host Psyche and recurring guest Tara about tarot readings and cats. However, the provided transcript doesn't seem to include Tara's appearance, instead, it includes a conversation between Psyche and another guest, Joker Yello.
Psyche hosts a Wednesday morning live stream, featuring tarot readings, online dating discussions, and interactions with his cat, Marbles, and other felines.
The episode is an open panel discussion featuring tarot readings and conversation about cats, with a focus on Friday night fun and community building.
The episode is an open panel discussion on a Saturday night, focusing on tarot readings and featuring a playful cat theme. The host, Psyche, interacts with his audience and guests, discussing various topics including his channel's growth and upcoming interviews.
Psyche performs tarot readings and interacts with viewers on a livestream, sharing personal stories and experiences.
Psyche hosts a Third Eye Thursday check-in panel episode, discussing various topics, including tarot readings, cats, and his journey building the Cult of Psyche channel. He also interacts with his chat members, mentioning his memberships and sharing personal anecdotes.
Explore the ideas at the heart of this episode
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good afternoon hello hope you guys are doing good just want to say hello it's a little bit of a rainy day here a rainy day in Los Angeles that I'm having a better day than I was having last night actually I had a good I had a good night last night we had a really good uh good panel last
night really nice uh nice chat um going really well I got my cable working my highspeed internet's going um but I just want to say hello to you guys and uh you know sometimes I get a little bit tipsy on my streams at night and so
um I I'm just trying to um have a nice sober stream for the day having a good day my lighting okay yeah it's a little bit uh little bit rainy here in Los Angeles having a little bit of rainy weather but uh I want to chat and say
hi yeah what's up guys how are you hey who's who's coming in there cats coming in who just came in you never know what cats coming in you just hear the door open and then they come running
up I'm trying different times of the day trying to get this channel going right I have a lot of good supporters I have a awesome um panelists awesome chat awesome friends I want to say thank you for supporting me and uh for hanging out and stuff like that I'm doing good I'm doing
good A lot of people when they come in they see there's one person in the chat but I just I just started streaming oh there's there's a Freya it's raining outside so Freya came in today I hope I can show you Freya a little bit fre is one of my cats right I'll bring Lenor over here Lenor everyone wants to say hi to you hey PR L hi chat want to say
hi hi guys there's Trix Trix is up there too that's Lenor Lenor Hi how are you how are you Miss Lenor nice you guys are having a nice day stay out of the
rain this lunor lunor sit next to me sit with me yeah guys little bit of a rough night little bit of a disappointments not with not with my chat with you guys just disappointments um there some uh some so-called friends
right but I have a really good Discord I have a really good chat welcome let's do a let's do a panel let's chat this it's 10:00 in the morning some people are sleeping most some people are at work but this is my uh this is my day job I'm streaming maybe uh it'll be a little bit slow today
but everyone come in say hi see what should we do Let's do let's do a fun uh let's get let's start with some Lisa
Jordana like to get the day started off little fun what's up guys how are you I just getting the stream started so everyone's just coming in just make sure to say hi I got Lisa Jordana on a on standby guys I don't know how much longer my my tablet's going to last it's
a little bit not looking good for my tablet not looking good looking like it's not g to char okay it's charging just hope and pray charges it stays charging what's up guys how are you I know my tablet I
think it's on its last legs it's on his lap oh hold on not charging come on what's up guys yeah tablets on the last legs unfortunately I do not know how much longer this will last there we
go let's turn that off hope it charges what's up guys so but yeah it was an interesting night last night you know I was able to cut down on some of my Discord channels um but I do have a really cool Discord if you guys want to check out mine um really good people there just having
fun I got readings for anybody that wants one how do I look this morning I woke up with with a Bed Head little bit of bed head this morning but feeling good Lenor is over there Trix is over there I got Freya in the house Freya want to come say hi Freya you guys Freya is like one of my lesser seen cats she's not in the house too often but it's raining outside right
now and so she is inside right now she is very comfortable inside she's really cute she's like she's like a half raccoon cat right and so yeah doing good guys happened oh I got a little I got a little public uh public um a little
public chastising me I know Len Lor's right here PR is over there I'll tell you what happened um clumsy I went to Emma's and I said um I said Emma um come join my uh my life panel it was before her show started was earlier in the night and she said said she said I'll just be honest I'm not
going to be joining your panels you uh you get drunk um you uh got scammed by a butthole and uh and uh and you have a toxic panel okay maybe those are all true could you have said she said in front of everybody then everyone just likes her all her everyone oh love love all her comments and everyone just ignore right you could have said that to me in private you could have been a private message or something like that I
was just in I didn't have a toxic panel last night I had a really nice panel I had ba was here um um Jan was on the panel and um and Michael was on my panel and we were just having a nice chat I just thought it would be fun but you want to say just just say FU basically why I left the Discord um wait wait was this on your it was not on my channel it was in her Discord it was on her Discord
I was in the in the promote yourself section on our Discord I just said hey um come come join my come join my panel was a fun panel I thought she would like the people in there and stuff in her Discord yeah and then she said in front of everybody said you know you you have a toxic panel you get drunk and passed out and uh and uh you um you got scammed
by a butthole so I'm not gonna be joining your P like yeah that's why I left the Discord and uh was this not not uh there's better ways to approach people about about stuff right than everyone in her Discord you know pointing laughing at me and stuff like I was trying to be friendly she never addressed any of this before
she never had any concern about any of this she texted this in her in her Discord it was it was that was the text in her Discord it was not a private message it was in a public Discord in front of everybody um in a very it was it was on um her main chat it was on the promote yourself section
of her chat so I just I just deleted my comment and I left your Discord and unsubscribed and un UNM uned myself and uh because it was not um the right way to talk to me never addressed any of this before
me but one thing after another with her with right she gives everyone else everyone else she gives Second Chances everyone else um she REM mods she met um she met met several of her mods in my uh it was I was live I was live on my channel I
just posted in her promote yourself on her Discord come on and join my panel um or or I asked her nicely it was never addressed any of this with me before never never never mentioned any of that with me before just decided to put it all in that message in front of everybody right so it was a little bit um embarrassing but um you know the
reason I share these I got scammed with the butthole and all the of stuff I'll share these stories on my channel and stuff like that to help people and stuff like that it's not to um be called out for it like later like oh I got SC that's that's what that's what my problem is I got scammed um okay and I drink on my panel you
know yes I drink on my panel and I did in fact pass out last night on my nothing she said was not true it was was just not nice to say in front of everybody in that way good morning tiger butterfly what's up but yeah it was a little bit um
little bit of a shock but okay now I know how you really feel I was her first um her first um member of her Channel I have more readings from her than anybody else um for my first interview supported her nothing but nice to her
and talks to me like that yeah but I'm over it guys I'm just having a nice uh nice uh nice better day nice calm chat it's raining in Los Angeles I'm awake um no I got I got enough sleep last night nice to see you tiger butterfly oh tiger butterfly yeah tiger butterfly was my guest the other night
and she is awesome and she has really cute cats we talked about MK Ultra we talked about some really cool stuff and she's a really sweetheart person a i i really that's the thing too it's like okay I may have had some toxic panels those people are still my friends those people will still have my back um you
know we can uh we can agree to disagree and I do have some Jerry Springer nights right um have I was it last night was it like that no would I have invited her on if it was a toxic panel no um it was a really good panel just having a lot of fun that just but it sucked all the energy out of me last night that's why I I was like that's why I went to sleep basically it was not
was more it's kind of energy draining negativity out of nowhere could have been guys and you don't know what people are going through right you don't know the reasons for why people do some things I understand maybe she's having a bad day okay maybe she's on edge or
something I've had a I've experienced a few deaths in the past few weeks um had a coule I've had a kind of rough uh a rough couple last weeks and uh and I'm not perfect right I on my channel I share myself
yeah the energy draining right and she calls herself a succubus right I mean she that's her name her name you know Satan's ex-wife succubus right and so what do I what should I expect right but also I do I have a friendship and stuff like that and just to be kind of kind of like especially because she
did it publicly and she didn't like say in private hey you know I'm a I have a I have a few issues whatever no publicly in front of everybody where everyone's like laughing like hearts heart emojis 100% smiling laughing and then no no one's there supporting me right just that people will people will
show you how they really feel eventually right but um my feelings were kind of hurt but you know that happens you know feelings at least at least feelings are not um you know it does hurt physically too but at least feel at least uh feelings
are are something esoteric feelings are you can't really hurt them um but they can't they can't hurt you know people can't hurt you just have to I like I'm careful how I talk to people but you know not everybody is so but thank you flumsy thank you for being supportive um hey thank you Trix is
coming over Trix want to say hi I'm doing fine though it's just a rainy day it's like a little bit of a rainy rainy Wednesday here's tricks say had a clumsy and tiger butterfly how are you you're meowing you're meowing what a sweetheart but I love you clumsy and clumsy you I know when if you have
something you know you either say you either you either tell me in a very face to face kind of stuff to myself not in a message posted for everybody right I mean you you'll you have a little bit more tact
but or maybe you have a little bit more empathy a little bit more of a heart but yeah my feelings were hurt yeah and guys I I did get scammed you know and you know there's a lot of people get scammed and oh you got scammed over a butthole yeah is that a nice thing to say to someone I shared that story
right it's so stupid it's so stupid it was such a stupid so so dumb yeah right I'm willing to be to say that myself you know I don't need someone to like point it out weeks later and stuff like that and I had forgotten about that it's so
dumb though okay I got scammed over a Buttle guys I'm so embarrassed okay wow right but this person but this person like there's no there's no reason to be an to me and it's like and we were but yeah and also had reached out to this person and and then they were like oh you're too much you're too much
um you I can't leave you alone for a second glovesy I don't know if you know that story you don't want to hear it no it wasn't even it's not even it's not that's not even the story though it's not it's not even the story but that's what that's what that's how she phrased it the story was somebody approached me
saying hey I'm hungry um can I can I um can I get a few bucks and they're like I'll I'll um I'll do a private Flex show for you okay I'll tell this whole story you don't want to hear okay it's okay I'll do a flex show for you and then um and all this stuff I'll do I private private little take off my shirt and a flex for you because they think they
knew I like them or something so I sent him a few bucks and then they said oh that was my cousin on the phone um no and then I'll send you the money back and they didn't send the money back and then they were like and I was like I know you scam me they're like they're like oh yeah well you know you you know so don't be hard on yourself okay that's the story it was not over a butthole I don't even know where she got that that is
ridiculous she was being a butth hole but okay I know but that's the story clumsy that's that was a story and I was and I shared the story because there's internet scammers and there's people and and I just I was just saying be careful on the Internet with with the people and you know because that person irritated
me by doing that because they took advantage of my I sent them a few bucks before they they even offered that but I sent them a few bucks because they said they were hungry then they're like oh I'll do a flex show for you you know I can watch I can watch a guy flexing anywhere on YouTube right I can I can turn on a million
channels I I wanted to help the person basically the guy with the video um yeah that that story right that was the story so that that's the I was scammed by it with a butthole or something like that yeah the guy yeah I'll I'll do a private I'll do a private um YouTube video with
you and then he's like oh um oh that was my cousin on the phone the flexing guy yeah it's so dumb I mean it's so stupid it's so dumb but I learned a lesson but I wanted to share that story that was embarrassing for me I don't need to have it thrown back in my face like oh that's why I'm a bad person or that's why you won't go to my panel because I have okay
whatever clumsy come on I know it's it's just it's so it was so ridiculously stupid and it was just a lesson right and I got my money back by the way people sent me my money back so it was fine I was trying to teach a lesson of people that uh that not everyone on the internet's going to be honest
and I uh I have I have a left that guy's Discord clumsy it's me it's me I I know I know I'm I'm a mess sometimes right right she that's what she said that day and then today she's like oh you got scammed with yeah that's how she put it today in front of
everybody like this guy's an idiot don't basically telling everybody else don't go to this person don't don't chck at the person CH I don't know um she has a you know she has a successful Channel she's doing well I've always supported her and stuff like that I'm just a little I felt like just a little bug under her shoe right right I know clumsy she that's what she said that day
right like right less than yeah exactly that's and then that's how we left it and then she's like you got scammed like yeah throw it in my face not just just not a not a way to talk to me not the way I mean you can talk to me like that in a private chat and say I Have This concerns and this this is why this blah blah blah say it in front of everybody
and then everyone's like 100% um you know laughing laughing emojis like um like hard emojis for her and then everyone nobody came from from from her her P her uh that that thing to my chat said anything it was all just like look at this idiot right
so yeah maybe yeah but I'm not gonna I'm not going to dwell on that you know that happens sometimes with people and uh that I would never I would never do anybody like that but I but I've never done her like that and I I don't know I just came out of nowhere yeah a little bit of
a maybe but I'm I'm off for Discord now we're still on Discord friends I mean if she wants to say something to me about it um she can but I will not be approaching her I will not be going to her show or anything um until yeah she said worse to me cl I'll tell you the story when she unmodded me she wrote me she she said I have to take
your wrench because you made a a joke about a diddy party and she's like do you know what do you know the allegations about um Diddy you know she's like she's like basically you're just calling me a molester and you're calling me um an extortionist and a black mailer and and then and she's ALS we've had other big fights too other big fights like one time um she was like I
remember that time I like tried to buy a reading on her show and she was like you made me look like an idiot a idiot yeah you know and then she was I don't know I don't
know you freak out one of your co-workers well that that happens you know co-workers can co-workers can irritate us and stuff like that we're but this is a person with their own thing going on and it's like and I thought I thought we were friends but I won't dwell on it how's everyone doing today guys yeah I'm in a better mood sometimes I just just like to get I
get I like to get things out and I'm just giving my side I'm sure she has her side and right maybe she's just sick of my sick of sick of my sometimes you know you can you can get sick of my ass sometimes too um but I don't think I was anything but supportive of that person
just kind of kind of just felt like a bug under shoe right kind of feel like uh she kind of stamp stamped my brain with her heel right but maybe maybe we'll make up um but my feelings are hurt and uh I don't think she cares I don't think
she will care or anything oh you pulled some cards on her her jaw dropped that can happen sometimes right have you met clumsy tiger butterfly um clumsy is a really good friend of mine she has her Channel too you can um subscribe to clumsy and she has really cool late night streams and really fun
little atmosphere um really awesome readings and sure she'd love to have you in her chat too um I I want to support her that's what I do guys what I like to do is I like to um bring people together support them what's funny is I brought her like someone from like I think I think I was
one of I was one of her first mods and then you know I've been my mod AC subscribed already okay awesome my mod a her mod AC who's also my mod and stuff like that um and then I introduced her to Blade I introduced her to uh to uh um G to Gayla and uh and they're modded
then she unmodded me then she then she I think she totally forgot me as a mod you've been working a lot yeah that's stressful and i' I've been trying to stream a lot I've been working on my the streaming as much as I can I got my cable fixed yesterday yeah oh I have a card for you guys too if you'd like I'm in a good mood I'm I'm a Clear Channel right now I got all
this all the all the all the negativity and everything is out I'm uh I'm actually feeling lighter feeling better but I I don't mean to I didn't mean to um be upset at all and I'm I'm not mad I uh I basically my feelings were hurt you know sometimes sometimes that
happens I'm a human being right okay I got you CL let's get you I'll get you first one of these oracle
cards okay clumsy it says what can I do to make a difference and it says what keeps you up at night what makes you cringe when you think about it such as every ounce of you screams no more where can you create purpose out of your pain so today's soulle action is make a difference in someone's life today big or small because all of it makes a difference okay and I know you do make a
difference right of course of course and I always I always have time for you too I always have time and I got another card for you out of this deck you got the six of Wands and we got a little lemur there okay six of Wands okay you got you got you got a lemur and all these little lemurs up there you're you're very looked up to right okay you're very looked up to but I'll read out of the
book I love how this book is written bny packs they're so gross yeah war on fanny packs right but it's clumsy it says victory is yours take it in as you are wrapped up in the warm Graces of those who appreciate your dedication and hard work right you're just very looked up to right Savor the
praise while you receive it and then continue building on your success the six of Wands calls on you to allow yourself the pleasure of Basking in the glory of your success when you take a moment to celebrate your achievements your self-esteem will get a boost and in return you will feel Invincible ride the sensation as it will create a ripple effect that will help Propel you forward that will not that will help Propel you forward but do not rely on the past to
guarantee future success as with any Victory it is merely a stepping stone the six of Wands may also indicate an opportunity to be an aspiring leader which you are definitely your success will open the door um for you not only to realize your full potential you will also have your ability to assist others as they embark on their Journey when you see yourself
as a contributor to the greater good not only will it help or Inspire others to reach for their goals you will solidify your success you may even come to think of this card as I do as King Julian card for those of you that have kids uh the highly extroverted and at times pompous lamur King from the movie Madagascar the Lemur is a highly social creature and
offers an energy that is agile and full of fun these madic gasan freed dwellers understand the Valor of community value of community and know how to enjoy life simple pleasure call upon the Lemur if you feel uneasy being the center of attention or accepting praise as it will help you find the confidence to priorly take ownership of your successes I like that for you a lot clumsy extroverted
playful confident Community yes clumsy and you are inspiring you inspired me to to start I'll say I have a different I have a little I have a different style I think you have you have your own wonderful style I have a different style you know
my style is a little bit um little bit of a um Jerry Springer Howard Stern um little uh but but you have a fun show you have a really fun show and so I think I think you're very inspiring to everybody okay yeah oh thank you tiger butterfly I
definitely got you a card tiger butterfly for you I got the seven of Pentacles there's a spider some spider webs right right and uh are these These are own webs oh all these Pentacles you've caught you caught all these Pentacles so you've uh you've been
able to to spin some webs and and uh and catch some flies right okay also you've been hard at work too right seven of Pentacles says the spider stepped back to appreciate the work it created during the day each web thoughtfully positioned between the branches it admired the design and examined each one for holes or potential
weaknesses that would allow its prey to escape you're welcome good afternoon everybody the seven uh seven of Pentacles indicates a time to reflect upon the work that has led you to this moment in time it is here that you are asked to examine if you're on the right course for the best results or you need to Pivot and adjust are there any holes or weak spots that would benefit from being filled in when you uh when you find creating a vision for the future
challenging call upon the spider to guide you through the planning process the spider brings to your situation patience and a sense of quiet as you connect with your higher self when you work with a spider Spirit your Spidey senses kick in and you'll find the ability to pick up the vibration that surrounds you and with with you more instinctively and know the right direction to move so the spider says
patience creativity awareness vibration connectedness you're welcome good afternoon Tanya you're welcome tiger butterfly I got another card for you one of these uh these oracle cards hold on and it says if I had a magic wand and could have anything I desired in life what
would I choose this is a question to ask yourself so it says burn with desire there's power in your desires let them be your fuel today your desires are your Soul's wings and it's time to take flight today's Soul action today go inward your answers lie within what do you desire choose what makes you happy and do that okay I hope you like that reading and yeah if you have a card for
me I'd like a I'd like a card um if you don't mind but uh yeah no rush on that totally happy to do card for card and all that kind of stuff I uh I appreciate you you're awesome what's up John Clark how are you doing today good to see you John Clark welcome it's a little bit of it's a little bit of a it's not raining anymore it's a little bit of a a drizzle I'm gonna I'm gonna grab a some
milk okay looks like it's getting clear today John if you'd like a card you'd like a card you like that okay so I'm just drinking some rest of my milk right now oh hold on there's Lor okay hey oh isya still here where
spr milk it does a body good you en tired right rough day you want a card John I got you on that
yeah how's everyone doing thank you guys all for coming appreciate you guys you guys are my life you guys are my my love really awesome talking to you guys hey you want to say hi Trix Trix come on Trix here John look whenever you feel like you've had a rough day look at look into Trix in space he's a little
sweetheart little sweetheart okay I got you absolutely John for you John first I got this card what are the dominant emotions that run my life and it says how do you how do you feel your day stress or Joy trust or anger anxiety or peace we have only
today right now the journey no goal no destination will bring the feeling we seek but when we're begin feeling every day with what we value most then we attract more of it this is fulfillment says today's Soul action lean into what you want to feel and adjust your life your values and your expectations to match your desires what do you want to feel are you willing to let go of the belief that you have to achieve
something to feel it okay I also have a card from the Guardians of the Knight deck I think it's Knight over there for you I got oh I got this page of cups what is this is this a this a cap capara kind of there's a capara okay Page of
Cups I'll read from the book for you this a really well-written book it's page okay and so it says page of cups is there one word that ties together the energy the page of cups and
that's in the capibara it is loving the power you hold in your hands when you draw the Page of Cups card is one that will help you find the good in others it will help you mend broken relationships and form romantic bonds if you're dealing with a difficult situation or someone who is let's say challenging to be polite when the Page of Cups appears you are best served by taking a softer
more gentle approach tap in your intuition get a feel for the energy you're dealing with and work to ease friction instead of irritating it when you encounter the Page of Cups expect inspiration to come from unexpected places as it relaxes our biases and opens our hearts the person you discounted yesterday may turn around and be a valuable source of information that will help overcome an obstacle yep
before I begin the illust before I begin the illustration for the uh for the page of cups I researched friendly animals and the copy Bara top the list for the friendliest creature on the planet they are also the largest rodent in the world and can weigh up to 150 pounds the semi-aquatic social creatures possess a calmness that comes from being comfortable wherever they are the world is their
playground um other animals in the area perhaps taking advantage of the good nature copy bar will hop on its back for a free ride across rivers and streams dreams it is a healthier well it is it is 10 it's 10 in the morning Tanya so it's a little bit little bit early for her alcohol but who knows what will happen tonight right it says before the copy bar because the copy bar lives along the shoreline dividing the time
between the river and land they pull together the elements of water and Earth to create an animal that is emotionally sensitive to others needs while at the same time grounded and confident in its position if you feel out of balance or disconnected from your soul Center call the copy bar Is This Love energy will be your guide and help you find your way across flooded emotions okay copy bar
friendly compassion and kind and that's really what I I would describe you as friendly compassion and kind yeah yeah that's good that's good time like I I didn't I didn't drink for probably 25 years except very very rarely I drank some wine but I I quit weed qu I quit all other stuff I did and
uh and then uh it helped me kind of uh kind of get the balls to start streaming it kind of but it's it's a one deck judgment choose a different deck one of Cups ace of cups at the bottom and the H hofan
okay but I did take I did take Monday off though I did I I do I do take take days off you're welcome John I hope you enjoy that you are friendly compassionate kind yeah you know it's like we all have we all have rice and so you know someone might say oh you you I was told you know you drink and pass out on your stream okay well yeah that's happened a few not doesn't happen every
stream it happened maybe it happened last night maybe it's happened before um but um do you smoke weed and right I mean not you but does this person smoke I mean so you know we all have we all have our viic we all have our our our little indulgences like whatever right of
Swords seven of Wands three of Pentacles Seven Swords Page of Cups and Wheel of Fortune okay I'm going to have to think about this okay seven of Wands okay okay seven of Swords okay seven of Swords is a thief card three of Pentacles that's the third party card Page of Cups which I just got did I
just pull the page of cups for John okay Wheel of Fortune okay that P I was I was reading John's card and then I was like oh oh no no no no no not Al Tanya I'm not saying you it was somebody last night um that that said uh that said that said you fall I'm not saying you said that somebody last night when I
asked them to come on the stream they said well you I'm not coming on your stream because you're you're your panels are toxic and you got scammed by a butthole and and uh and uh and you you drink on your streams and fall asleep yeah so I'm not Tanya you're you're totally cool not no not at all no you were just saying you were just saying you know it's going to take a break yeah I understand um
yeah I'm sorry I did not mean to I know you're not judging me you're a good friend right and I would not I would not I'm sorry if I if I made it I'm somebody else said that to me last night and I'm a little bit um salty over it or I'm a little bit uh I got got my kind of my feelings hurt basically I'm not not not
mad at that person um I'm just very hurt um yeah I love you Tanya you are awesome you know and thank you for that tiger butterfly wheel of fortunate hopefully the wheels going in my favor because of my friendliness after something has been stolen for me because of a third party and a lot of uh seven of Wands okay
yep yep thank you and I think it's I think it is it is working like because even uh my streams I've had some toxic panels before and I've had like the Jerry Springer panels before and I've really been working on it I've really been working hard to make it make them friendlier um safer better and to cut out the drama out of them and I think
it's been working that's why last night I came to this person say come on my panel because I had a really good panel going yeah showing my desant path thank you that's beautiful I really like that um you know guys I started stream I started doing live panels a month ago okay and um like
a month ago and um you know I been I I came from a area of YouTube where they had some very like very negative panel and where it's all trolls in the room like all the time and stuff like that and so to stay for me to stay positive and stuff like that and to that I'm just naturally positive okay but for me to
keep everyone else positive that are from different areas of YouTube and some some also some negative people that I really do care about trying to bring out the best in them so to speak right so yeah but yeah I uh I just had a few beers and last night I just had I think I had like just a couple beers but I was up at 7 in the
morning yesterday and then I waited for the cable guy for hours and then I didn't get sleep and then I started drinking kind of early and so I I had I was destined to have an early night that night last night and uh yeah sometimes I get a little I drink a little bit too much and uh it sneaks up on me and I don't they don't eat enough you know I'm trying to do better but you
know I'm not perfect at all all right but I'm trying to do my best hey Lenor is over here hope hope everyone's having a good day today thank you tiger butterfly that's a beautiful reading I really like that yeah anyone wants to hop on the panel you guys are welcome I'm just kind of
concerned right now too my tablet is not when I plug in the charging cord it most of the time it's not working and it's like this is my last my last little Bastion of of uh of like being in my in my chats and the and the other things and the so little IP iPad that you know
all these iPads eventually stop charging and stuff like that and not ready for it to stop charging right now I don't I don't want to get a new I suppose I can get an Amazon fire without a question or thought I'm just shuing the high priestess came out with the lovers they just flew out shuffling as calming to me oh yeah that's awesome High Priestess and the lovers okay
wow okay I like that a lot High Priestess and then there's something about maybe love coming right yeah I some guy did a reading from the other night and he was pulling these cards they're like they're like children's like flash cards he got the firefighter card and he's like and the firefighter in a tree and he's like you're gonna fight you're G meet this
firefighter and you're gonna date this firefighter and uh and then then the star okay wow I think I got the star last night too and like I said or like I said last night when I got the star I'm I highly resonate with the star I'm a Aquarius moon is a charging cable working yeah the brand new cables um is it is it
working yeah it's charging right now I mean it's it's I have to plug it in a few times and then it will start but if I move it the slightest like little hair it will stop and stuff like that and it's yeah could be inner healing I like that a lot inner healing and I love that high priestess card and
that's my initials too the the JB uh on the or it says BJ on it but uh those are my those are my initials and so I always resonated with that high priestess card and this the star good I'm I'm uh I like that inner healing and I guys I'm I've been through it the last year and the
year before and uh this the most last year was like the worst year of my life very very hor like hard hard year for me and and uh and you know I really um you guys are my friends like most of my most of my friends on the outside world are in this in my physical world they're they
went to prison and uh and I don't they're not really good friends they they were they were very toxic for me and I've been like I said you know tiger butterfly when we talk about handlers and things like that they're more handlers and friends um they're more MK Ultra programmer kind of people right
thank you and so I've gone through a lot of deprogramming a lot of inner work like for me to be me be positive happy it's a it's a miracle like really I don't know how I maintain my sanity really um after what I've been through just uh basically you could almost take a you could take a knife and and slice my brain and get the same results as as
some of these people did right and so that I believe we can heal I believe uh um the brain can heal I believe I believe I'm getting over it so um but the concern is that this person is getting out of prison next year their boyfriend's already out of prison they're not contacting me and stuff right now but I know they will and I I'm gonna have to be able to stand up for myself
and stuff like that right kind of a kind of scary stuff but yeah you met bunny on Twitter my so-called Handler oh that guy bunny
well also you say so-called yeah because um because they they they kind of consider themselves handlers but no they that's kind of an insult to me for them to say oh I'm handling you know that kind of thing it's like no I'll handle you okay I'll handle them okay I can or I can handle myself you know it's like they just to for them to have like the
audacity to think that they they can uh handle me right or handle us right and or that we're something to be handled right no we are strong people we have our own strong Minds we are survivors too we really are
survivors yeah you can handle you yeah you can say handle this handle this right but you know some of these some of these handlers can't even handle themselves right and uh and that's what we all should we all should we all should be our own hand our own handles and the handle ourselves not try to not
try to control other people or the audacity to think we can control control other people or control other people's minds what arrogance what what and what an evil thing to try to do to manipulate people like that right so you know it's a miracle too that um we've been through this and we become better stronger people you saw it too
much yeah me too I KN I know too much and that's why that's why eventually it just stopped working yeah spider and spider in the web yeah because along the way we we learned how to spin our own webs right we learned how to catch our own flies and uh and we learned how to our flies being our own negative characterist we learned
how to right you caught a few flies too okay good where' my lighter go I lost my lighter I found it okay but I think we U but yeah but I would I would I trade my life experience no though no because because it made me the first I am today you it made us the people we are today made us better
people in the long run actually it helped us right but it's not pleasant going through it and it's like and then it's like and it's it's traumatic it's very traumatic and you know but we can heal from trauma and becoming healed then we're able to help heal others that's what I want to try to do that's why I share embarrassing stories about
myself they will attempt to yeah they'll Hoover right they're going to Hoover they're going to come back with like balloon and and flowers and um and you know and whatever it's like it's like the devil never comes to your door as the devil it always comes as like some someone bearing gifts and someone with a big smile on their face that that you
you like and they're attracted to right it's the thing about the devil
right you saw the seven of swords and the king of Cups there's the seven of okay seven of Swords that's a Thief card again right and then the king of Cups someone with someone taking advantage of someone's good nature with the seven of Swords trying to but or also becoming stronger from that from that um that trauma and that dep of our this depth
the attempted depth of our our good qualities of our good nature of our happiness and yes the devil came out as well okay yeah yeah all makes sense say tarot is amazing ter an amazing way to um to go into yourself and to
psychologically improve ourselves I love I love terror terror is just the bomb really really out of all the things I ever learned in life it's my it's my my my favorite my favorite skill two of Swords yeah I'm not seeing something I'm blinded to something I'm
I'm afraid you pulled the devil too okay yeah well you know I'm a Capricorn and uh I'm January 7th I don't know if someone else has the exact same birthday is that tiger butterfly January 7th I'm not sure and you're and we're like a year apart exactly if I remembering correctly
so yeah John John John and tiger butterfly wow you're in sync right yeah you're January 7th I'm January 7 too so we're we're both we tiger butterfly we both have this uh we both have this devil devil side of ourselves too but I think we've Mass I think we're more like mastered our our higher nature I don't think we're the
people that are chained to the devil I think we're we're more we're more the devil themselves in a good way in a good way because the devil is not really like yeah one year exactly apart we're we're one year apart from each other we're 365 days apart from each other exactly pretty amazing the same birthday and one year apart that's pretty pretty amazing
and also that we've been through so like some of the same things and we just we know what we're talking about with each other yeah really cool always awesome to meet a fellow fellow January 7 the devil worst Prada right yeah I think I've I've known a couple of those Devils that wear Prada right and uh yeah Merl Streep she is
not Mar Streep was a good casting choice for that movie right that's a really good movie by the way I have to watch that again anath way is Anway and M Street it's a really good movie and uh I I need to watch that again I just I haven't seen it in years but um also the Death Becomes Her is a great movie to watch at mer Streep as well no no is it
who's in Devil prod is that mer Streep or Glen cloes I'm I'm I'm not forgetting but yeah oh you yeah you love them both oh those both yeah both those movies are awesome the Death Becomes Her and uh really interesting stuff to think about
especially nowadays with the ADR n o c HR M stuff and then seeing that yep exactly John they have the chain the chains are not they're not they're not like um these tight collar they're just like these loose chains they're voluntarily chained right and sometimes we're voluntarily chained to our own addictions right you're about to
say Death Becomes Her yeah I know we're we're we're just vibing guys we're vibing you're back CMC thank you for coming back you know I um I'm feeling a little bit better now I got I got some stuff off my chest I I uh oh goldian and Bruce Willis yeah and
Merill stre yeah that's a great um great movie Death Becomes Her and it's like um the uh Goldie H in the in the the fat suit and stuff like that and then she comes back and she took she took the the little pink potion right yeah I'm feeling better you know it's just like my
feelings were hurt last night I was kind of like taking back but sometimes sometimes people hurting your feelings will uh kind of shake shake you shake the cobwebs out of your head right and then uh and sometimes it's better to part paths with some people right you
when you realize what they really think right I'm glad I'm glad clumsy clumsy knew exactly um what what what I meant by some of what I was saying to because that person was very compassionate when I told the story and then they throw it back in my face like I'm an idiot and that's that's a character flaw of mine and something like that when they're very compassionate and talk about lesson
and stuff before right also be thankful when people reveal their true selves because then they're not fooling you anymore then you're not having this sometimes we can have this false image of people I still think I still hope the best for this person you know I'm not I'm not there's no hate to to the person even if they hate me and stuff like that
but I feel like there's a lack of compassion yeah oh princess B's on okay let me see what's going on here guys let me see is it okay well I mean the devil C can mean a lot of different things like a soul contract good or bad also Obsession
Temptation it also be black magic all depends on what's around him around it yep exactly guys and so so meditate on the devil card but devil card is also is Capricorn energy like it is Capricorn energy Capricorn I'm comfortable in this uh in this Capricorn energy sometimes um but I'm try to be a
higher Capricorn because the Capricorns can either be very about the Earth and very about materialism and very just about making money or they can be about climbing the mountain and becoming more spirit and things like that so is everyone doing good today 100% Capricorn yep I'm a Capricorn son and ascendant
and uh Mercury first all first house what's up B yeah beta how are you I'm sorry I'm sorry I passed out last night but uh yeah and I and uh if iend if I end that like we can go tease that guy yeah tiger butterfly remember be and the yeah we had a fun we had a fun uh panel last night unfortunately I um I
was up really early um yesterday I was up at 700 in the morning waited for the cable guy then Alisa came on and so then I was awake and so then I started drinking kind of early so I was planning going to bed at like 10 pm High Priestess and the devil I get those cards too a lot those are you know be just got the high priestess the other day too remember we the BJ card P since
for be and John be is awesome but yeah I apologize for um for I think I think I just uh I I like exited the panel and then I think I fell asleep and so I don't know how it ended but yeah what's up guys also VA I was on um oh let me see I was on some other
channels last night um um and they were really cool to me and stuff like that um but yeah I was kind of I was a little bit um little bit drunk and so I don't remember exactly but okay good yeah I'm glad I didn't like leave um leave abruptly or um anything and I hope you guys had had to give up panel um good
panel thank you for for uh for doing that with me I mean but yeah be like I was saying like I went to Emma's um I went to Emma's and was like invited Emma because I I liked our panel last night and then Emma said in front of everybody in the in the Discord she said said you know what she's like I'm I'll be she's like I'll be honest she's like I'm not going in your panel because you get
drunk and you pass out and uh and your panel's toxic and uh and then you got scammed by a butthole okay yeah after after this pan after this uh this live I will go over there oh you never tried to use a panel okay if you want to try um you can see the link right here I I didn't pin it but there's the link you can just click
that all you do is go join panel and you can you know you can choose to be on your camera or not or you can just have your audio but yeah I'd love to chat with you there's there's the link everyone's welome up it's a little bit of an early stream today um it's raining in Los Angeles or frizzling outside but uh P I know she but she said that in
front of everybody she could have she could have said it in private and stuff like that and maybe maybe it's all true what whatever she said right but but it was uh it was just a little bit I was just taking a back you know and uh that hurt my feelings I would not talk to her that way and I would not criticize her that way or like in front of everybody and then everybody was like 100% to her comment 100% um you know laughing like
laughing like just like laughing at me kind of felt like it was just kind of embarrassing you know but maybe it's good I get taken down a notch occasionally maybe I but U but my panel's not toxic and it was especially last night be like it was you and Jan and Mike and and we were just having a good fun chat and stuff like that but she said that that that's what
it just drained all the energy out of me I know she's a succubus kind of spirit and stuff like that and I don't know what she was intending to do that it just sucked the life out of me and I just I just went to sleep and uh it was not a pleasant experience and I it was sad I was sad and that was my feelings were her I left her Discord your London or and you know rain know
all you see all you guys see what it looks like outside here it's looks like the sun will come out it's just drizzling a little bit oh here we go what is up
hi Tanya hi hi good to see you how are you doing how are you I'm good you haven't allow yeah you laughing at about the butthole I got scammed by a butthole I don't know again did you hear that story I did
a I did a show B I got scammed I said I said internet scammers is because this guy that I thought was pre cute and stuff like that and he's always asking me for cash apps and he's always he's kind of like you know he's this guy but he uh he's like I'm I'm hungry today he's like um can you send me a few bucks and I sent him a few bucks and I was like oh I want do an interview with you and stuff like that and then he's like he's like hey he's like you know what
he's like he's like I will um I'll take off my shirt and I'll do I'll do a flex show for you like a PR like on YouTube he's like send me like a few bucks right and so I did and then uh and then he said oh that was my cousin playing on the phone um that wasn't me and stuff like that I you know I got the money back from PayPal I wasn't really a scam but yeah that turned that turned into I
got scammed by a butthole or something like that but but oh wow he was a butthole but I I didn't not get scammed by a butthole I I got scammed for for a flex show and uh I can and also I can easily find a guy flexing on YouTube right I mean it's like it's not a guy flexing is not a big deal I can I can go in like a thousand chats and ask a guy to flex and he'll Flex
from this guy was like a little bit you know I was trying to help him at the same time but yeah of course you know I was maybe a little bit um attracted to him and stuff like that and had a a little crush and he took advantage of that two qus c cards came out three of um three and um that's three of Cups and the Seven of
Pentacles or seven of um Pentacles celebrating sewing seeds eight of swords and night yeah I'm tiger butterfli just pulling cards here I got I got you a card but you would like another card today sure okay let's see how Guardians of the night nice nice to see you have a really
like lovely Aura like a nice uh beautiful smile nice presence and uh I've never been on the panel before so I was a bit nervous but I'm like okay it cool your first panel and uh and it's a good panel to be on and it's like yeah my panel is not non-toxic as people say you know it's like it has really good
people like really awesome people like and uh and even people are toxic sometimes it's all in fun and stuff like that and uh you know I have a lot of different types of people here but you are absolutely absolutely gorgeous and the wonderful spirit you're welcome we have the Judgment card for you I'll show you up up on screen
judgment but usually when I see judgment I see things are being U made fair right it reminds me of the Justice card a lot um but judgment but judge but judgment has been called I certainly hope so and so it says in this book it says the illustration of the Judgment comes into my head right away I visited a friend who has a little Lake housee on the Olympic Peninsula and came across a
snake skin during one of our walks like a bolt to the brain the image of judgment just hit me of course what better animals is represent shedding of the past and transformation like a snake judgment indicates a notable turning point and calls on you to examine your life as a whole the good bad and yes even the ugly when this card appears you are encouraged to make to be open and honest to not make excuses for our
failures or point fingers at those who negatively impacted Our Lives the time has come to shed the past own up to our own actions and contributions and take responsibility and seek growth spark growth when you accept yourself fully your situation will benefit as it it is time for significant development when you call upon the snake's energy you'll find support during a time of
transformation the snake is also a symbol of healing using its power to help you release painful moments from in the past to grow all the stronger in the future so it says snake change growth connected spiritual flexible intuition okay okay John good to see you do you like that card yeah yeah it's
definitely interesting not a big fan of snakes but hey well you know the snakes are interesting I mean they are heal they are um they are to me I see healing but also because the snake um snake has venom right or a lot of the snakes are venomous but also the snakes Venom is also the antidote it's also the
antivenom you can you make they they make the antien out of it and so they're really and also like the shedding of the skin shedding of your old Past coming out more more I've been definitely shedding a lot good oh yeah thank you John wonderful to
see you and uh and and CMC says you're very pretty Tanya is oh thank you I like that I love your I love your pink color it's very fitting for like around Valentine's Day and stuff like that but it's a beautiful you look beautiful and pink it's a really nice actually got me this for uh Christmas did that's awesome it's it's a beautiful top it's a like a
looks like a satin or like a like a little bit of Shimmer on it it's like a yeah I don't even know looks very looks is it a hoodie yeah okay oh yeah it just looks it like it almost look like a comfortable like comfortable like exercise like
hoodie I thought it was like a silk pajamas for a second but yeah and also I got you in my bed with me so I don't really want to show too much around so it's okay it's okay good to see you John yeah it reminds me of well Alisa Jordon I guess okay so here's do you know Lisa Jordana have you ever seen her show or
heard of her uh no I'm not familiar well she used to I'm a big fan of Alisa and she has her own live stream she does IRL streaming and stuff like that and she was wearing a really really nice pink yesterday and but she she's an assistant and her assistant is a is a representative for this um company called color Street and it's like and
it's like stick on nails where these nails are stickers right and so so she has this she put them on and they were just um like um like imagine stick they're stickers on your nails right and so they looked really pretty um when she showed them but then when she showed it close up and they were just like all these stickers were like just like on
her skin or like half covering her finger it was like Bally put it the stick on her nail no but U but I thinking but she just tried the lipstick and the lipstick was really pretty it m it matched her top but she was just wearing pink and she also had this Cupid uh this girl this lady dress this Cupid come on the show too and uh she was in a this Valentine's Day um just like every Valentine's day I've had I I've been I'll be alone and stuff like that but
will you be my Valentine Tanya I don't have a valentine this year okay you can you can be mine I'll be your I'll be your Valentine okay yeah sounds good in a very innocent way like in grade school when we had we had like we we we like handed out Valentine's to to
everyone in class and stuff like that um I I miss those days yeah that's I got I got 30 Valentine's in a day and that back back then you know and they all had candy in them and stuff like that and yeah uh there's nothing there's nothing like your you know childhood it's like a it was I'm used to being on my own for Valentine
so to I don't think I've ever had a I think I'm I did date a woman once and I was and I think I might have I might have might have been in like February to to like April or something like that I think it was for a few months and uh I did have one Valentine One female Valentine but that's the only woman I ever dated and and she kind of
traumatized me that it was kind of an interesting experience and oh I hear you I hear you we all those past traumas yeah yeah t you met tiger butterfly um tiger butterfly was here the other night and she was talking about the MK Ultra and stuff like that
um and uh I've never met I've seen I've seen a lot of your post here you know your streams so well thank you always for like coming to my streams and like being so supportive and and awesome and uh absolutely absolutely hey if you ever get back out
to Vermont we should get coffee or something sounds good you know you've heard I've been to Vermont you heard I went there yeah told you I lived in Vermont and you're like oh I used to live there well I went to I just went to a I went to Bennington um um for like a month and then minutes from Bennington oh you are that's awesome it's it mean
it's beautiful and also my my uncle um was a college professor at Middlebury in Vermont right sweet sweet yeah philosophy professor and uh and so yeah I got to go out there and I um and stay stay with him for a little bit and then I went to Bennington and I also applied um to Bennington for uh for college and I got rejected
that was like my number one I it appealed to me because yeah what's meant to be is meant to be and that's just like in relationships and uh in uh wherever School you end up in I ended up going to different schools and you know I I failed out my first year of college I went to meno in California I failed every class I was
just smoking a lot of weed back smoking a lot of weed and and just partying and stuff like that eventually uh I failed every class and not then on second semester I came back and I passed psychology and then I but I failed every other class I I never went to to school but then I eventually got a fashion merchandising degree and then I
eventually went on did internet internet college and I got a marketing marketing degree so I eventually did did finish college but now I'm doing my own thing I didn't do college I was uh busy raising babies oh you were you kids
I have six kids oh my gosh yeah you look so you look so like so young and you know you would never know you know what's fun C of6 my my niece my um my niece Amanda um want to have six kids and she's um I think she's almost 30 and she's already had four and I
think she's pregnant with her fifth what's up Jamies how are you and so well my kids are my kids are pretty much grown now my youngest is 14 but um wow pretty they're pretty much grown my old is 24 I would say I would guess you're 24
you know I would say so that's that's pretty shocking you you're just uh you have that that maternal glow though you have that like that that uh you have that that like this beautiful feminine motherly energy right gone now so it's like I don't know what to do with myself anymore well do you have any fur babies
or U you know you get some none of my own but I'm house sitting for my cousin's dog right now so she's she's like having a baby around well I'm I'm uh I'm I'm probably never gonna have kids and stuff like that but all my family member everybody has kids in my family everyone's married
I'm like the only one like not married I'm pretty much I'm like gay guy but uh everyone has kids and everyone um you know everyone's very successful and and everything and I'm just kind of like I'm I've always been doing my own thing but still I got a lot of nie I got like 15 or 16 nieces and nephews and I got know Grand nieces and nephews now and so you know it's always fun to like go birthday
parties and dinners and stuff like that but um yeah I kind of I kind of a I'm kind of like a big kid in my own way too you you know I'm a little bit I'm a little bit wild and so it's like it's kind of like I'm trying to to to raise myself a little bit and uh but know Capricorn Capricorn energy Capricorns are like I was a very serious child and
then as an adult the older you get the older I get and tiger butterfly do you you uh tiger butterfly have the same birthday like when we're born one year apart but um Capricorns are known to like get younger as they get older and so I'm the older I get the like the more the sillier I get right right keep that
inner child yeah I'm a Pisces you're Pisces okay I got P you have blue eyes like I I know a lot of Pisces have these dreamy blue eyes mine are brown brown well I I you can see them but I see I have a couple brothers that are Pisces and uh and my grandfather was a Pisces and a lot of
them have blue eyes but one of my brothers does have like these brown eyes too Pisces ruled by Neptune and so um do you have a lot of uh do you have interesting dreams um actually I was going to ask you do you know anything about reoccurring dreams okay reoccurring dream yeah well I've had some reoccurring dreams definitely it's it's something trying to get your attention like something
definitely but what what do you have a reur dream about my dead boyfriend okay well in my dream so it's kind of creepy that is but but it keeps happening like he what happens is shows up at my door and I'm like wait a minute you're dead like I'm very confused by it
okay does anybody in the chat have any insight in that about um about the he died in September and um it's been pretty constant for like the last couple of months what I would say is that the dream world is is also the astral plane okay and so so I would say
he's trying to get me a message or something but I just don't understand it right and yeah maybe that's why he keeps coming back trying to give you the message and stuff like that butterfly wants to know what he's saying if you know what he's saying um do you understand what he's saying he just he just shows up at my
door like and I'm just like what like it just shocks me to the point where I end up waking up like every time like I don't really know well I think he's definitely in your subconscious mind and still a lot on your mind um in some way I don't know if
you think about him a lot and things like that or you want to be recting he died of cancer and I mean it was very quick like he found out in June or July that he had it and he died in September so it was very quick oh wants to join the panel maybe
maybe be has an idea about this hey hello hi Hi how are you nice to meet you nice to meet you yeah I dream a lot and I've had a lot of reoccurring dreams but the one that you're having is probably part of the grieving process because it's kind
of like you wake up and then you're like wait a minute this was so real like I mean it's like you in your dream everything is okay and it's almost like it feels real too like just so I have this reoccurring dream
about my mom and I used to have it a lot where we would just everything we just be doing our regular thing and then it got less and less and less and then I stopped dreaming about her for the longest time cuz uh she passed away when I was like she was like 40 and I was like 15 right so like I think the last
time I had a dream about her and it's like a reoccurring dream that I've had like over and over and over again it's where she's alive and she's like there I'm like where have you been and she's like oh I had to like hide and um I had to tell everybody I was dead for a while you know but everything is okay it was
for like everyone's protection and in my dream it seems so real and I'm so happy yeah and then I wake up and I'm like God damn it yeah right I know the feeling for sure yeah I mean so now I think it's like I think it's now like to a point where I miss her and I want to be like I don't want to wake up from that dream when I
have the dreams which is not that often anymore it was so long ago yeah well I mean it's to the point where I woke up the other day and I I called my cousin and I'm like look if he shows up at my door and he's alive I'm gonna kiss him and then I'm gonna beat his ass for lying to
me but s for your love but it's just it it really it just blew me away too so I mean I've had dreams um he was just taken too soon and and I
just were you guys together when he passed away um we separated back in January of last year and so he had called me and said that he had cancer and I didn't get a chance to get out to see him before he passed away and then
his sister messaged me and told me about it that he had passed away in September and it's just it's been hard oh I'm sorry some people say that like when they come in your dream pych would no better is like they're coming to say hi or they're visiting you they
just want to be like everything is good you know but yeah I'm not over it but a yeah take it's like shock and everything and then you have to go through part of part of me is probably part of me is just probably like I don't know I guess it's
wishful thinking you know it says it says dreaming of a deceased loved one is a common experience that can be a normal part of grief dreams can help you process your emotions and memories so it says it possible meanings processing grief dreaming of a loved one who has passed can help you work through your feelings and memories emotional projection if the deceased loved one expresses feelings of sadness or anger you may be feeling those emotions about
yourself closure and reassurance dreaming of a deceased loved one can symbolize closure and reassurance self-reflection dreaming of an ex can help you reflect on your emotions motivations and values connection dreaming of deceased loved one can help you feel connected to them and so I think those are all those are all possibilities you know and uh just like I have my dad passed last year and I
have dreams about my dad and it's like and it's like oh it's like he it's like he's back and it's like it's like it's but but it's like it's it's like there not there my mom also she said had a dream of my dad and she like went and she had she saw him and then she like goes to touch him and he just like he was like a ghost and stuff like that and she's like trying to you know it is a it
is a part of the grieving process I think and uh and also maybe closure and also maybe astral plane they are visiting you possibly I kind of feel maybe it's because we didn't really get that closure to you know were separated at the time
so hi Tracy something I gotta go through oh sweetheart no it's not you know it it everybody feels like that when they lose somebody close to them they feel like you know what I could have done what I could have said but you don't know you know it's not your fault and I think that's probably why you're
dreaming about that it's like you know it's your way of you know kind of like grieving and who knows maybe he's there telling you hey I'm not everything is good I wanted to visit you you know who knows we don't know it wouldn't be the first spirit that visited me that's for sure but it's just in a different way
that I'm not used to so and also I think like people I think people um I think we have a soul contract when we come on the earth I think we know exactly in our we know exactly when we're going to go and we're ready to go and also um it's it's harder for the people around it's harder for like the living the remaining people than it is for us I
think death death is like a painless process um when when you pass finally it's like it's painless and then you're you're you're you're free and you're out of the the material prison the Soul's body and stuff right like that but it's always hard for us and it's like and so that maybe that's why the spirits will come back to check on us because it's like they know it's like harder for us
than than it is for them and they want us to know that they're do you oh sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you like do you dream like besides the dreams that you know you have about him do you ever dream about other things are you before this did you dream a lot too about other
things uh yeah yeah I'm very intuitive and I have dreams about um all sorts of things and usually I find meaning in them um like I used to dream about my
grandmother and I found out she was trying to lead me to um to something yeah she's a Pisces and Pisces are are that's d by Neptune and Neptune is the planet of dreams right it's a it's Neptune that represents dreams a lot
yeah yeah it's just um it's just been different this time around and I think it's I think a lot of it is I wasn't ready to let go you know so there's some dreams that are unexplainable I had this dream since I
was a little kid I think I I I remember the first time I dreamt this I must have been like maybe 10 or 11 and I got scared and I told my mom like oh my God I woke up it was like this guy dressed like all in black kind of like CIA and he was like following me everywhere and
he knew how to like crawl up like Spiderman and just you know I'd be like he just like was watching me everywhere so I would have these dreams and myom oh yeah it's a dream this dream this guy or whoever it was it followed to my 20s and I dreamt about it but my dreams keep
getting more advanced like a story and I ended up marrying this man eventually and he kept me I'm not joking these are in segments of like my period of life I'm 49 now right but this stopped when I was like I think 28 and um it would you know I married him he
was so crazy and like he wouldn't let me out of the house and we live like somewhere by the beach and I remember it was like a daily thing every time I had the dream I was trying to escape but I couldn't because he would always catch me and then one time I don't know he went upstairs I ran out in one of my dreams and I just started running running running running running and it
was dark and I didn't look back and then I saw sun and like beach full of people like sun ocean everybody was like laying out by the beach it was so pretty and then that was the last time I ever had that dream so I wonder sometimes if we conquer our dreams like slowly in little episodes I don't know like she's crazy
but no that happen to me no no I have people tell me I'm crazy all the time but they don't see what I see so seen them in dreams I've never seen anything in real life I mean never I've never seen a spirit or anything in real
life but just I've had a few weird experiences but I mean mainly dreams mainly like I'll have a dream about somebody and then I'll run into them the next day or um you know similar situations but
you know a little premonition Dreams yeah yeah very well it's very interesting to think about and dream and dreams are like you know dreams are like um I kind of think of dreams are like kind of like a mini death because we like we fall asleep and so we basically our B we basically you know it's like it's like a mini death but then there's
life after death and so there's life in our dreams and we continue going on things keep happening and we have another life there we can also experience things that we uh we can't experience here at a lot of emotional processing I think that dreams go through that we're able to like just get our conscious mind out of the way and and play and stuff like that and we can call things into our dreams are you familiar with lucid dreaming where
you're like have you're like a little bit a little bit well I've been looking for guidance too so I've been kind of asking the spirits to you know kind of give me some guidance a little bit and I mean that may be where he's coming in too um I'm not entirely sure
but so well I think I think it may be like when I dream about my dad it's like it's not it's him but it's not him you know it's like it's like like that's what's kind of frustrating it's like it's like almost like it's it's a it's an apparition a certain way and it's like it doesn't it doesn't feel like really really it's him and stuff like that and and we need to have like a
conversation and like and like to be conscious and like be able to like and actually like talk to like a spirit and things like that that's what I'd like to do and it's like and then it's like basically I just feel like it's kind of a projection of my mind and things like that so it's kind of it's kind of frustrating right now but uh oh I hear you yeah very interesting stuff to talk
about Tracy says she's obsessed with butterflies yeah I love butterflies too and I know that's why I put butterflies back for you girl and blue butterflies beautiful they represent a lot of beautiful things too you know it's and um butterflies you know they have like a
short ter you know it's like it should just like tells you to appreciate people around you they they go through all this process to just become this beautiful thing and then they have like a short lifespan and so do we when you look at it into perspective we really we think oh my God we live a really long time but life is so short and yeah I love
butterflies and um ladybugs they transformation too right psyche mean something like transformation too they they go from a caterpillar and and then they go they go and that's also like a caterpillar there this worm kind kind of this crazy worm and then they go into cocoon and it's kind of like we
sometimes go into Solitude and and and we go and then we can come out transformed and we get our wings almost like an angel gets his wings and then they live they have a short like little time here they Al but they also represent the soul you know psyche means butterfly my like my name it's like psyche means Soul also means butterfly and psyche often portray with butterfly wings and things like that I also see monarch
butterflies around here I see these really cool like bright fluorescent yellow butterflies and I see black butterflies and so I see a lot of butterflies and they and they come and they flutter right in front of my face and stuff like that and so it's like I have that happen too especially when I'm out in the woods and stuff yeah and also look look for like like those kind of um
signs and other I've also find feathers and also like I'm like kind of like Snow White when I when I go outside squirrels will start coming out of the tree like collect feathers you do collect so do I I have a I have a feather right I have a big Pro feather I but I find black feathers I find all these Crow feathers all the time like I don't I don't find any other kind of feather except Crow feathers and stuff like that so it's
kind of but um but I hear those are messages also from angels and from maybe um past loved ones saying that they're okay and stuff like that you find these these black feathers also you know um there it can be like angel wings black um there's a song called under her black Wings by the what's it by um I forgot
him by H his infernal M Majesty I think it stands for but uh song called under her black wings and uh yeah and Emma had these wings um there're like these black wings she got from the Ukraine she she wears some on her stream sometimes but uh yeah a little bit upset with Emma right now but I don't know if
you yeah you were told me yeah wait no I think we were talking about the uh joonie oh you're were talking about joonie yeah oh did did you hear the yeah we were telling me Jo SP out on you she went mommy on you because she called me the other night she was on my stream the other night so Joanie works for she's Alisa's
basically producer and like all these people would like troll her and talk trash about her and like make fun of her and stuff like that and there's all these parody songs and stuff but she called me the other night and uh we we talked a long time I mean I'll keep the conversation private but then the other night she called me and then I was like listening to her and she was going on and on and I was like and people were talking on the Discord and I was trying to defend her on the Discord and talk to
her at the same time and she goes she goes leave me alone and she like on the phone and then later she um I called her back I was talking to her and I said something I just said one thing to her and she's like no no no no no gra the phone and so I I I wrote Alisa and I said Alisa um I said uh the story I was
like um I was like Alisa I talked to Joan and she's like she's a really good person she's a good heart she cares about you a lot but I just talked to her and she started screaming like the Exorcist I was like don't tell her I said this and I'm worried about her and then then Alisa posted in her Discord the next day she's like I just had a disturbing message from psyche that said Jo was screaming like the
Exorcist and uh but Joanie and I made I was like Joanie will be my Valentine yesterday in chat and Jan's like yes she like because you had to put put up with me screaming like the Exorcist so she's definitely the message and stuff yeah oh gosh like scum said earlier in the chat he's like there's something in the air with the planets right now I know Mars is in Mars is in retrograde right now um
and that has to do with um Fire Starting and last night some like Susan in chat was like um yeah there's a fire down the street like ual thing and then I was having problems with my electricity other people having internet problems I'll tell you what Mars retrograde means I think we're in it right now it says um it says Mars retrograde is a time to reflect on your motivations actions and desires um recalibrate your
energy and focus on meaningful alignment reassess your goals and Ambitions and the question whether you're pursuing your own dreams or someone else's expectations and so we are in a Mars retrograde right now um it began um December 6th 2024 and uh it will end in February 23rd this year so um we got we just got we're
coming to the end of it but it's a little bit of a yeah been a little bit of a crazy time I'd say and yeah you always want to um if you're interested in astrology I don't know if you ran your chart and stuff because there's lot a lot to unpack in astrology and things like I just barely started looking into those kinds of things you know I mean I've
I've had a lot of changes where it's gotten me to look at my life and look around and I'm pretty much in Hermit mode right now just trying to figure things out so right well do you know your you look into your moon sign like the moon sign is often for especially for women women are are more closely connected with the moon and the moon represents emotions a lot and so you can
um you know everyone knows their sun sign and stuff like that um that's like you know um you know but there also the ascendant your ascendent which is like how other people see you and then there's the moon sign is like your emotions and stuff like that and then you want to check what what house it's in and stuff like that because there there's a lot to it but go to astro.com a.com and you can do a free chart there
and there's free um there's really free detailed reports you can look at too I really recommend everyone everyone check that website out it's um and also there's a website called astrom Matrix and that will tell you a lot too and if you especially if you know birth time and do they like a is there like a Persian version of astrology that's
different or is it um or similar oh that's pretty it's raining here you guys it's raining here opened up I got snow about butterflies and I remember and here's my is it raining over there too oh my God look at this
one beautiful oh my God Is that real plant it's beautiful yeah I put like a little plastic thing yeah it's a plant is it raining there too s yeah it's raining well it's like it was it was raining this morning
back I got my socks W I'll bring Lenor real quick bring L yes um Tanya right yes you have beautiful eyes oh thank you yeah you have very
pretty eyes thank you very much you're welcome Len too there's Lenor I love cats oh my goodness I don't have any of my own but you know maybe someday we'll see hi do you have any
pets no I mean I did have a cat but my mother had her for a couple of months and then she kind of got used to her so I couldn't take her back one is MI oh Mickey she needs a kitty the kitty will protect you against
anything I agree like uh yeah my cats are like once I felt like a dark presence like around me and stuff like that and I have a cat Marbles and he came running towards me and he like scratched scratched my neck and stuff like that it kind of stabed me out of something but I think it scared away and they I think they do chase away um demons and negative energy but I got Trix and Lenor are sitting here like and they're getting along look they can s look they're coming together
look horable like they was the cutest
meable hey it's been really fun but I can hear the kiddos are coming home from school so so much thank you so much for coming to the panel we love you great to see you yeah hang in there okay love you bye everyone bye thank you for
coming how do I end this thing now I'll end it for you hold on here you go see you later yeah she's awesome she so nice she's very nice person that's why I was like last night when uh I got told my panel's toxic or whatever and like because Emma was like your panel's toxic
you got scammed by a butthole and uh and and get drunk and you pass out maybe all that's true but you said it in front of everybody and also the panel my panel is not is like not toxic and I had a really awesome panel last night and she I only invited her because I thought she would really like like the panel and stuff like that it just like sucked the energy out of me and really like hurt my
feelings but I'll get over it listen this is like this happens to me all the time I go and I do a panel with the intentions of having fun and just you know I don't want I want things to go well and then people will argue or whatever things will come up and then I will get messages the next day and I
feel like I have to explain myself and it's it's part of the game right but then I wish that people would kind of understand like okay yeah we are we are drinking we're not perfect you know we make we're not going to be able to handle things things I can't control when people join who is going to join my
panel say what right nobody can I was watching pel last night and I'm not going to get into the details but I just was shocked by the stuff I was hearing I wasn't ready to hear that right but I'm not gonna judge like you know the panel host or Hostess right and I do I do my
best out yeah right and also like there's so many great people that come on the panels too like just like like like you and like and like Tanya just now and tiger butterfly the other night and like and there there's so many great just the good out ways the bad and it's like I have a lot more fun you know just like letting
anybody come up and stuff like that like sometimes I get like trolls or sometimes people will fight and stuff like that but that's that can be fun too I mean it's like you know it's like I just I'm having a fun time I'm doing it like I like want to do it and like people will say oh it's you know it's like Jerry Springer it's like this and this and
this it's like I know it's like uh it can be like that but it's like it's also like unpredictability is fun too and you know and so um I'm having a good time doing panels I'm not GNA stop doing panels I'll keep doing them whether I get monetized or not like I'm just having fun and when when it stops being fun maybe I'll stop doing it but I'm
just having fun and it's like but it's really wonderful way better than me I I I just go I just start screaming and like you know you do you do a good job but you also you know you you have you you let there's a lot of people that come up and stuff like that and Stu and it's like a lot of um like like just like different kinds of people and like you know and so
it's like you know you do a really good job for for your for You' be so proud of me I did four hours without getting porn bomb did I get uh was there attempts yeah there were a whole bunch of them but I dodged them all I was on point last time mhm well last night when I had like I brought people up and they started like
screaming or something like they was like saying like all this weird stuff and like but they it wasn't like they weren't saying um anything bad but they were like they were just like were you hear like when that happened and I let these people up and they started screaming and stuff I think you were here maybe not but it was it was weird I don't know but I was like I just thank you for not porn bombing me guys but I
brought these two guys up and they started screaming and stuff like that everyone's like my ears my ears they thank you Tracy yeah but yeah it's a pleasure it's I love being able to talk to you um like like this and like I think everyone everyone loves you on the show and everyone everyone always tells me like be is so awesome like be like what she's like yeah no you guys are
this is like an amazing place a lot of people troll me and they hate but you know what even like the worst people that hate on me I don't keep I don't hold in grudges but I have uh I see like I can tell by people's Just Energy like I'm not a psychic but I can just feel
People's Energy if you're a good person I I will show you loyalty till the end and respect always you know I mean people can have misunderstandings but that's the way I am but if I if you step on me or you insult me my family my cats I'm a big ass I'm not gonna
lie that was like the other night you're beautiful Trac amazing yeah Trac yeah I said I said I was telling her that you were saying the other night that like she's like she's she was beautiful and like she she's she's like a a wonderful wonderful woman and you
know definitely a keeper um yeah I went on her Channel and I was like wow she is really really really pretty and not just pretty you can just tell like through her she just looks like a really sweet kind person um yeah yeah anybody that is her friend or that is in her life is
lucky to have her so yes I agree and and Tracy is really um really awesome to me too and and and thank you Tracy but the other night someone came on my cat and they were like there I was holding up tricks and they're like that's an ugly cat and then he's like and you're ugly too to me and I was like and then I that's like I got so mad I was like I just like I never hide anybody on my
channel I never like use a but that's like one person that I hit I was like I I like you can insult me but you not insult tricks i i people tell me my cat like they're like one of your cats looks like a skunk he's ugly I don't care because I know my cats are cute but I have
actually ended friendships over them saying bad things about my cats like you know bar I don't know he comes in the chat now we're good but he literally as a joke CU he he couldn't get to me right he couldn't he could say anything to me it wouldn't like hurt me but as a joke he said he would use my um cast head as
like soccer balls or something and kick him and I went on like a two Monon Rampage hating like this mul at the moment I actually cried behind the scenes because my cats are like everything but now we're you know he apologize we moved on he said he was you know trolling but yeah that's where I started getting really
sensitive I think that the people just say what they know will hurt you the most and it's like that's why you know they'll they'll yeah but yeah just bringing up certain like you can insult me and it's like you insult my friends if you insult my friends if you insult my cats and if you insult um my family then it's like it's like that's that's
like War talk you know and so but I try to trying to understand there just there's trolls and you know it's like they have their own problems right and uh you know but I don't I don't like to deal with them and so that's the only time I've ever like kicked out somebody out of my chat really is um he insulted Trix because Trix is beautiful Trix has
a little lazy eye it's like it just it just makes him cuter cute all cats are cute I'm never seen an ugly cat in my life except please don't call me a cat racist the hairless ones I still like them too but I don't want one I'm sorry they're they look too rat-like to me and I don't the tail would flip like scare the out of me well the thing about
like sitting down and then they would come and crawl in and I feel like there's a snake like no we need sluff you know a little bit of paper but the thing with them is because they don't have hair they are s they're more cuddly like I've heard that they are like the sweetest cats and like they they like get warm and stuff and so they like to cuddle and stuff and so I I would just I'm sure I would fall in love with the stinx cat those are the stinx are the
hairless like the Egyptian hairless C they're expensive too cuz they're hypoallergic right for people that are allergic to cat but then the tail I mean I can't control my phobias I'm sorry I I just that that tail like freak the FP out of me but really all I my my aunt once had one of these one of those one of those
hairless dogs I forgot I forgot his name but it it was like scary ass looking dog um and just has like a little bit of hair on its head and then then it's all like hairless and it has like freckles all over its body and stuff like that but even those dog even like the ugliest dog is cute in a way to me I don't know but I think all animals are beautiful I think all all human beings are beautiful
I think we're all our own unique work of art and we're all beautiful on our own way um Tracy has bunnies how cute so awesome yeah so I just like I just had an early stream today um and uh but I think tonight I'll I'll be streaming again and uh and I'll probably
be drink drinking again tonight I think I'm going to get some some uh ice at Barry he's been lurking as soon as I said Barry he jumps in here Barry you little lurker lur you guys you guys are by the way psych Barry told me he has a huge crush
on you he does Barry to hit me up is Barry my Discord Barry giveit me hit me up my DMs get my DM yeah and people in my too you guys are all welcome to it's okay you guys are always welcome to to call me up on Discord or you know or
just even in my um DMS and or chat or whatever I'm always I'm always um available to you I like to talk but that's why I like to stream at night too and when I and I drink and it's like sometimes I like I like I love having people to talk to and it's like and you guys are really my are my best friends and it's like if I didn't have my YouTube channel I would basically be sitting alone and like if so really it's
like um it's giv me like a a life it's G me it's giving me um real friends and like I really I just love you guys so much and uh I uh I love doing my show I love uh I love uh doing your show too and um going on different panels and stuff like that um I'm just having the best time and it's really like really this is what I look forward to this is what I look forward all day to to streaming and
stuff like that and so now now I'm even streaming during the daytime now and uh but you guys are always just so awesome and uh butterfly cinnamon are their names oh my gosh my audio better now yeah it sounds perfect your audio CA Barry said my my audio has HIV is Trac on my Discord I don't love
trac's on my Discord um let me I'll post my Discord in the chat and you guys um yeah anyone's welcome to join the Discord and we have a fun Discord over there yeah but I left a bunch of discords today and like I left Emma's Discord because I'm only in two Discord um one is psych and then the other one is uh somebody else that I'm probably going to leave that because I never go
in there either I'm not a you know I'm only there in your Discord just in case if I need to get a hold of you or to see what you're up to thank you it's awesome and thank you also for like you know very single okay very single okay is very gay he's gay or or is is he is he
straight by is he by curious what's going on here very has a crush and I love I have I love everyone's everyone here's a mod in my chat I love that too everyone's a mod but you are all my friends and I I just try trust you all we had a we had a military guy here too his name was simpi he was earlier you to come back next time you come back I'll make you a mod if you're Kate know Kate would know more
than anybody else if Barry is um gay or not because they're kind of like a ebo thingy you know they're in an Ebu relationship so yeah said Barry's gay confirmed I took a screenshot by the way Kate yep I'm going to get my Discord up and so you guys can hit me on Discord later
you should do a love card reading for Kate and Barry like a to see where their Destiny goes okay you guys down yeah you guys wantan it Barry and Kate do you guys wantan to card like the card reading of your true destiny and love okay here we
go okay I I'll start shuffling hold On's my Discord guys okay let me get my cards where's my okay here we go Barry said no put in your and uh Barry said no okay if Kate says yes then I got one for Kate but
Barry said no Barry says no because he doesn't want to be exposed Kate says yes okay okay because he doesn't want people to know he's bisexual that's what he doesn't want there's going to be you know okay okay I got I got some I got a few cards hold
on okay okay well gu I'm seeing okay I'm seeing um like she sorry so she we have the strength card so she's definitely taming the Beast taming the beast in him you know with her gentleness okay yeah then that's very yeah she like calm down also I think you guys are working on it
you're working on it really hard I think you're also like there's Prosperity building up but also we have can you put that back up that that kind of is like the same weight that Barry is like the same body I would yeah that's Barry Barry the turtle so Barry's working hard and he's stacking up some Pentacles and work you know it's coming up the tree and stuff like that but we
also have this uh this 10 of Pentacles and so I see a lot of prosperity with you guys in the future just work together and I think you inspire each other there's a lot of happiness you see there's they're happy there's like uh there's like a little there's dog running dogs running around maybe kids in the future a lot of lot of lot of wealth and stuff like that
so Teresa said so I know I didn't do that was for that was for Kate Barry I think I think I think Kate was okay Teresa said so I know I know I know Teresa can Teresa can hit me with her paddle later she has a little she a little spanking paddle and um she can give me a SWAT Barry says lies of Barry mean Barry
has commitment issues or something see Kate Barry that was for Kate Kate that was that was for Kate listen you're conquering this you got this girl listen we saw it we know the first second and third card it completed the whole thing yeah yeah but he is not gay we didn't see any guys in there no he is straight
he's fully straight okay no and and I didn't I didn't know he was in a relationship and so I'm sorry if I hit on your boyfriend but if a fourth one is pulled there might be a dude in there afterwards you never know yeah I need to get the gay there's I think there's gay a gay Tarot deck with like all LGBT team and I can just do that for everybody and I'll be like you're gay hilarious there's also a really cool
deck it's like The Golden Girls deck and it's all golden girl um theme cards and I love the Golden Girls like I love that show and stuff like that there's like and then um like Sophia is like the devil and stuff like that like there's like all I it's a really cute deck it's really beautiful oh he does not want you you're you're on a relationship I work on it guys it looks it looks like if you if you guys can
come come together I think that'll pay he does that's why why does he does why is it that everywhere you go he's there and he's always protecting you he does Kate he just is probably the kind of guy that doesn't he probably has commitment
issues I know dudes like that yep MH you guys just got a meet and then next thing you know you got him in the bag yeah yeah I wish you guys the best though that I mean that that looks like a very positive relationship my my tablet's um being funky it's not charging right but I hope it will last a little bit longer yeah okay it's
charging okay good yeah Barry was here first but you let Kate know that you're in a psych chat and hey girl come over there that's what happened I you are you are you quitting your live right now you're going to come back later I will I'll come back later yeah I'll wrap up um but yeah um thank
you so much um VA always a pleasure to talk to you thank you so much I love you so much and uh I will be back on tonight I'm gonna I'll have a I'll get drunk and I'll pass out and uh and I'll ask some guy to show me his butthole and um I'll get scammed and then um and I'll have a toxic panel okay okay Emma if you're
listening Emma I am it's raining here we have excuses we can't really do much I did go by the lake and walk a little bit so I am drinking so I will be there you know I don't know maybe I'll be passed out maybe I'll you know go crazy no matter what's gonna happen for doing the reading you're welcome and we'll have fun love you guys thank you so much
thank you bet have a great day guys I'll see you later tonight thank you love you guys thank you car um caress okay nice meeting you I will see you guys soon thank you be love you
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