Rumpelstiltskin, What Really Happened

Hey, welcome back. Tonight we're doing

Hey, welcome back. Tonight we're doing

something a little different. No guests,

something a little different. No guests,

no chat games, just me, this chair, and

no chat games, just me, this chair, and

a story. A scary one. You know how fairy

a story. A scary one. You know how fairy

talies work, right? Girl in trouble,

talies work, right? Girl in trouble,

monster in the dark, hero saves the day,

monster in the dark, hero saves the day,

the end. Go to sleep, children. The

the end. Go to sleep, children. The

world makes sense. Except it doesn't.

world makes sense. Except it doesn't.

And the original versions of these

And the original versions of these

stories before the sanitizing before

stories before the sanitizing before

Disney, before the publishing houses

Disney, before the publishing houses

decided children needed protecting from

decided children needed protecting from

reality, they knew that the brothers

reality, they knew that the brothers

grim weren't writing bedtime stories.

grim weren't writing bedtime stories.

They were writing field reports,

They were writing field reports,

observations from the edge of something

observations from the edge of something

true. Tonight's story is Rumple

true. Tonight's story is Rumple

Stiltskin. And I want to tell you what

Stiltskin. And I want to tell you what

it's actually about. The setup real

it's actually about. The setup real

quick in case you're rusty. a miller, a

quick in case you're rusty. a miller, a

nobody, a man with a daughter and

nobody, a man with a daughter and

nothing else worth mentioning, tells the

nothing else worth mentioning, tells the

king that his daughter can spin straw

king that his daughter can spin straw

into gold. He lies. He lies because he

into gold. He lies. He lies because he

wants to seem important in front of

wants to seem important in front of

power. And he uses his daughter's

power. And he uses his daughter's

existence as the currency of that lie

existence as the currency of that lie

without asking her, without warning her.

without asking her, without warning her.

And here's where it gets interesting. No

And here's where it gets interesting. No

one saves her. Not her father, not a

one saves her. Not her father, not a

guard who feels sorry for her, not the

guard who feels sorry for her, not the

king who put her there. A door opens in

king who put her there. A door opens in

the dark and something small and ancient

the dark and something small and ancient

walks in and says, "I can help you. What

walks in and says, "I can help you. What

will you give me?" She gives him her

will you give me?" She gives him her

necklace. He spins gold floor to

necklace. He spins gold floor to

ceiling. Next night, same room, bigger

ceiling. Next night, same room, bigger

pile, same threat, same door. Same

pile, same threat, same door. Same

question. She gives him her ring. Third

question. She gives him her ring. Third

night, and this is where the king

night, and this is where the king

decides he wants to marry her, which is

decides he wants to marry her, which is

its own horror we'll get to. She has

its own horror we'll get to. She has

nothing left to give. And the creature

nothing left to give. And the creature

says, "Promise me your firstborn child."

says, "Promise me your firstborn child."

And she does. Now, the story wants you

And she does. Now, the story wants you

to feel a particular thing here. It

to feel a particular thing here. It

wants you to feel dread. It wants you to

wants you to feel dread. It wants you to

feel like she made a terrible mistake,

feel like she made a terrible mistake,

like she sold something sacred to a

like she sold something sacred to a

monster. But let's actually look at what

monster. But let's actually look at what

happened. Her father sold her to a king

happened. Her father sold her to a king

with a lie. The king imprisoned her

with a lie. The king imprisoned her

under threat of death three times. Every

under threat of death three times. Every

man with power in this story used her as

man with power in this story used her as

a resource. And then in the dark,

a resource. And then in the dark,

something showed up and said, "I'll help

something showed up and said, "I'll help

you. Here's my price." Do you agree? She

you. Here's my price." Do you agree? She

agreed freely three times with full

agreed freely three times with full

knowledge of the terms. Ruple Stiltskin

knowledge of the terms. Ruple Stiltskin

is the only character in this entire

is the only character in this entire

story who treated her like a person

story who treated her like a person

capable of making a decision. Think

capable of making a decision. Think

about that. So, she marries the king

about that. So, she marries the king

because that's the reward for surviving.

because that's the reward for surviving.

Apparently, you get to be property of

Apparently, you get to be property of

the man who threatened to kill you.

the man who threatened to kill you.

Romantic. Time passes. The baby comes

Romantic. Time passes. The baby comes

and Rumple Stiltskin arrives to collect.

and Rumple Stiltskin arrives to collect.

She begs. She weeps. She offers him

She begs. She weeps. She offers him

wealth instead. And here, this is the

wealth instead. And here, this is the

part one find genuinely strange. He

part one find genuinely strange. He

softens. He gives her three days. He

softens. He gives her three days. He

says, "If you can guess my name, you

says, "If you can guess my name, you

keep the child." Why? Why does he do

keep the child." Why? Why does he do

that? The story never explains it. The

that? The story never explains it. The

grim version just presents it as a plot

grim version just presents it as a plot

mechanism. He doesn't need her

mechanism. He doesn't need her

suffering. He made an agreement and the

suffering. He made an agreement and the

agreement is valid and he could simply

agreement is valid and he could simply

take what he's owed. But he gives her a

take what he's owed. But he gives her a

chance. Maybe, and this is the reading I

chance. Maybe, and this is the reading I

keep coming back to, maybe the name was

keep coming back to, maybe the name was

always the point. Not the child, the

always the point. Not the child, the

name. Names are the oldest magic. Every

name. Names are the oldest magic. Every

tradition that works with power knows

tradition that works with power knows

this. You name something, you have a

this. You name something, you have a

relationship with it. You know its name,

relationship with it. You know its name,

you have leverage over it. Rumple

you have leverage over it. Rumple

Stiltskin has been walking around

Stiltskin has been walking around

nameless or as good as nameless for

nameless or as good as nameless for

longer than kingdoms have existed. And

longer than kingdoms have existed. And

here is a woman, a woman who has

here is a woman, a woman who has

survived three death threats. A forced

survived three death threats. A forced

marriage, a year of being a queen who

marriage, a year of being a queen who

everyone knows only as the Miller

everyone knows only as the Miller

sdaughter, and he gives her three days

sdaughter, and he gives her three days

to name him. She sends spies across the

to name him. She sends spies across the

land. She collects names obsessively,

land. She collects names obsessively,

the way she once had nothing but her own

the way she once had nothing but her own

name and her father's worthless word.

name and her father's worthless word.

And on the third day, her messenger

And on the third day, her messenger

returns with a story. Deep in the

returns with a story. Deep in the

forest, a small creature dancing around

forest, a small creature dancing around

a fire, singing a song with a name in

a fire, singing a song with a name in

it. His name, she says it, he shatters.

it. His name, she says it, he shatters.

Or in some versions, he tears himself in

Or in some versions, he tears himself in

two, which is a specific kind of ending,

two, which is a specific kind of ending,

not defeat, not death, division. As if

not defeat, not death, division. As if

the naming split something that had only

the naming split something that had only

been able to exist in the dark and the

been able to exist in the dark and the

unnamed. Here's what I think the story

unnamed. Here's what I think the story

is actually about. it. It's about what

is actually about. it. It's about what

happens when every person with power in

happens when every person with power in

your life treats you as a means to their

your life treats you as a means to their

end. Your father, your original

end. Your father, your original

protector, trades you for status. The

protector, trades you for status. The

king keeps you alive only as long as

king keeps you alive only as long as

you're profitable. The castle, the gold,

you're profitable. The castle, the gold,

the crown, none of it is yours. You are

the crown, none of it is yours. You are

the mechanism by which other people get

the mechanism by which other people get

what they want. And then something from

what they want. And then something from

outside that system appears and makes

outside that system appears and makes

you a deal, acknowledges your agency,

you a deal, acknowledges your agency,

waits for your consent, and the story

waits for your consent, and the story

calls it the monster. But the real

calls it the monster. But the real

horror, the horror the original tellers

horror, the horror the original tellers

knew in the sanitized versions buried is

knew in the sanitized versions buried is

the castle. The lie that fatherhood is

the castle. The lie that fatherhood is

protection when its performance. The

protection when its performance. The

horror that power calls itself love when

horror that power calls itself love when

it means ownership. Rumple Stillilskin

it means ownership. Rumple Stillilskin

wanted a name. He wanted to be known.

wanted a name. He wanted to be known.

Maybe what he was collecting in all

Maybe what he was collecting in all

those deals across all those centuries

those deals across all those centuries

was proof that he existed, that

was proof that he existed, that

something in the world would hold the

something in the world would hold the

shape of him long enough to say it back.

shape of him long enough to say it back.

She guessed it, she said it, he

She guessed it, she said it, he

shattered. And she was finally for the

shattered. And she was finally for the

first time in a room where she was the

first time in a room where she was the

most powerful person present. That's the

most powerful person present. That's the

scary tale. Not the creature in the

scary tale. Not the creature in the

dark. The men in the light who never

dark. The men in the light who never

asked her name at all. Good night, cult.

asked her name at all. Good night, cult.

Stay strange.

Stay strange.